And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
