you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
