i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
