nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
