im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Randomize
