My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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