this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
