I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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