Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
