Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
