So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
