Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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