I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just saw a hot homeless man
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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