I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
