dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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