dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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