the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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