he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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