Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
