sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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