i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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