Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize