I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize