I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
