yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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