dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
