My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
