you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
