and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
