you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
