If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
