i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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