Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
