Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
