How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
