is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
