He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
