he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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