You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
