Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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