Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
