So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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