you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ugly people sure do ruin things
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
