??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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