It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
this hospital has no fireball
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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