Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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