Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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