I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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