I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
