Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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