I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
