I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
