Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
