Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
