I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she smelled like a LAN party
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Randomize
