stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When are your genitals available?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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