Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
