Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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