I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize