i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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