my sisters under your porch take her home
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
