I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
