Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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