literally had 100 drinks last night.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
