She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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