physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize